"You're already enough."
"It's done. It's finished."
With those words, something inside me broke - and I finally felt free.
But it was hardly instantaneous.
A long road
Therapy has been a long road. I had a lifetime of insecurities to work through, and it will be an ongoing process. You see, I never felt good enough. There are a lot of reasons for that, some external and some internal.
As a sensitive empath, everything affects me strongly.
Sure, people in my life had told me I was good enough before. But it never really got through my shields, you know? I was always waiting for the inevitable betrayal. I had trust issues for good reasons.
I told myself I didn't care what people thought of me because I had been hurt so much in relationships. I'm afraid people may mistake that for not caring, but it's the opposite. I care too much, so I have to shut down sometimes for self-protection.
"Good Will Hunting"
When I first saw the movie, Good Will Hunting, I didn't like it. There were an awful lot of f-bombs, and that was a huge turn-off for me.
In therapy, I finally got in touch with my anger and indulged in a few f-bombs myself. Yeah, I get it now. Those feelings have to come out. I love my therapist for being cool with that.
When I re-watched Good Will Hunting with older eyes, my appreciation for the film grew. First of all—Robin Williams as Will's therapist. That alone makes me bawl.
And that scene. You know the one I'm talking about.
"It's not your fault."
That moment did not happen suddenly. Matt Damon's character Will had months of counseling before his therapist Sean was able to gain his trust.
It is incredibly therapeutic to know that the person who sees your darkest self still accepts you unconditionally.
Trust brings healing
It took me years to get to my "Good Will Hunting" moment.
Years of building trust with my therapist. Years of poking and testing her to realize that she wasn't going anywhere.
Years of choosing to believe what she said instead of what my woundedness told me.
There is healing, but it's not for the faint of heart. Yes, there were tears. But it has been so worth the journey.
It takes a lot of hard work to confront your demons and change your mindset, but it is possible.
Give yourself a chance to have your "Good Will Hunting" moment. You're worth it!